Days after that night..

Reason to Smile: One more story I wrote of an episode that changed one life completely !!

From my desk:

Manas and Roli (name changed) were whatsapp friends. I happen to be common friend between them. I know both of them personally very well and have known their personalities a tad bit better than their school friends or so called close / best friends. I have been with them for around more than a decade now. Thanks to the virtual world of FB and whats app, they both got connected through me. So, this story is about two distinct individuals who had never met before. However, one incident happened and their lives changed for good. They apparently landed up being best of friends after that day !

Roli is in her mid thirties but timid, born and brought up in a typical middle class family, aspires to be a writer and wants to make it big in the industry. Manas, on the other hand, is a simple, decent yet a broadminded man who had no qualms about admitting that he had a bad marriage earlier, had two kids from that marriage, and wanted an open relationship  with someone like minded.  But the best thing about him was he respected every person and accepted them with their ‘dis’orders too. He never was a party to any gossips or humiliated anyone or spoke negative about anyone. While he was down to earth, and more of a buddy like, he was also equally clear about what he wanted from life and his friends with benefits.

I was zapped when Roli called one night at about 2.00 AM and said it was extremely urgent that I met her ASAP because she wanted to share what had just happened between Manas and her! I could not believe my ears. I could feel the anxiety in her voice and on probing further she just gave an idea that it was way too private and can’t be shared with anyone!  Knowing how different and difficult these individuals were, I could not just imagine them together. So what must have happened so private? I kept wondering the whole night. Nevertheless, we met at CCD the next day. She came in very well dressed, a perfect hair do, almost a makeover. I could not recognize her with the entire shift in her physical appearance. It got me smiling to assume only one thing - something 'nice' had happened between them. I noticed a twinkle in her eyes, totally thrilled and can't wait to narrate what had happened. I learnt that she had visited his place and it is no guess work what could have occurred between them.

But what surprised me is that while she was narrating this incident she said, "Neha, I did not really know what I was doing. I had no clue why I pinged him on what's app at about 6 AM and started chatting with him. It's only when he asked me how come I woke up so early, I typed - Manas, I am feeling all excited right now after seeing some xxx videos and I am just desperate to make out with someone badly" This came as a shock to me as I had never thought of her being so outright unlike what she was a couple of years back (nervous and nail biting) where she would not even use the word 'sex' because she found it too strong and bold. Here, she was muttering all slangs, words, and lingos even I was a tad bit embarrassed about :P

Manas kept claiming to Roli that he had met her many years back perhaps even before his marriage and liked her instantly. For some reason may be at that time, things did not work out, they never met after that. But her image and her face stuck to his mind like a poster he could not forget and let go. So when he somehow landed up connecting back to Roli, (thanks to facebook and whats app) he was very excited to date her again (given his current personal lifestyle). But Roli, on the other hand, did not recollect of any such meeting or instance ! Infact according to her, they had only chatted but never met. Hence, while he had admittedly expressed this attraction to Roli umpteen times she had to politely refrain from giving in to that and just asked him to stay friends till she recollects meeting him and also wanted to buy time to know him enough to date him or think marriage between them. They both developed immense understanding and mutually kept only to pure whatsapp/ fb friendship. Till one night Manas got a ping from Roli and the entire equation changed overnight!!

Manas could not believe what he read from Roli's whats app personal ping. He immediately dialed her number and they spoke at length about she was going through. Manas wasted no time and asked her to come over that afternoon. She went silent and took a long pause. She confirmed that he will not judge her and things will remain only between them. Needless to mention, he agreed and then there was a big YES. He also knew he was old enough to get an access to something like that easily. In due time, they were at his place, had lunch and within no time moved to his bedroom. Roli had not recollected his face at all. She was right. She knew she had not seen him ever before! Manas tried to make her comfortable, kissed her, and softly pampered her with a massage, till he felt he was too geared up to go all naked, while Roli remained clothed! They kissed, smooched, caressed each other but Roli just could not go any further!!

"Why??? What were you afraid about being there already?" I surprisingly asked Roli. I was glad she was just going with the flow while describing her story and saying it all. And then when I asked her that question she confessed about something that got me goosebumps. She put her head down, closed her eyes, bit her lips softly and said, "Neha, while I was all there, on him, kissing him, got him all pumped about the action, I was still not ready to go all the way with him because I was yet to convince myself to find him attractive enough for me to get all excited. I realized I was getting physical with him without being excited enough to do it all. Well, for the lack of a better expressions or words, I just wanted to have a casual physical time with him. I was far more settled from the time I told him I wanted to do it. I had become calmer on the excitement that had built up. I wasn't afraid of anything though. I know you are thinking why in the first place I encouraged him to move forward then. Yes, I gave in because to my mind, it was my fault to get him all hopeful about everything and then not give him anything. I could not melt in his arms and I was doing a favor, on both of us I guess. I was honestly only acting not enjoying :( Was I wrong Neha? I am feeling guilty suddenly. In a way I also feel cheap and more like a call girl. Perhaps they are the only ones who could afford to be this casual about making out with a stranger and get paid for it tooL”

I was stunned to hear all this from Roli, an Indian middle class family girl, whose parents would commit suicide if they knew they were raising her for all this. Sometimes I feel Indian parents never grow up.  I became speechless but developed an immense understanding on this situation. She had flawed in some way I was wondering but she had articulated the whole incident without even a single drop of tear, pretty much unlike the real Roli who has always been emotional at heart. I did not question her on why she had to take such a step. Infact, I gave in to her and told her "No. You were not wrong I guess. You did what you could best to help him release his excitement. You were being considerate and being nice and human. But yes the guilt isn't inappropriate either because you wanted to do it initially. You probably should not have gone ahead if it wasn't mutual. The moment you realized that there wasn’t the chemistry you anticipated, you should have backed out completely. The bed wasn't your stage to perform such a thing. Somewhere if he was emotional, you were playing with his mind and that for me doesn't go down well ethically" She looked at me with those hopeful eyes and whispered "You are right. I should not have hit the bed as I was meeting him for the first time!! I felt I was conducting a practice session on myself L" What?!?!?! My senses exclaimed so loudly that no words came out of my mouth and I gasped. She understood that gasp well, blinked both her eyes, immediately took hold of my hand and said "Yes, but please don't tell this to anyone in my family. I beg you pleaseeeeeeee!!!"

"I won’t" I assured her. We ended our conversation there. She had turned extremely confident and suave at the same time. I could feel the achievement she gained as some form of learning from this experience. She now knew what not to do while dating anyone atleast. She gives me full credit for this confidence even today and I have no clue why. She keeps thanking me because she thinks anyone in my place would judge her wrong, abandon her, not accept this as real in the first place and just leave her alone with her story for the rest of her life. She has been so thankful that I believed in her and her story that she almost touched my feet for standing by her even today.

They still meet sometimes and with my advice obviously, she has admitted it all to Manas about that incident. This is also because Manas kept showing her more interest on getting physically intimate. She initially kept ignoring but one fine day gathered guts and blustered out everything. Manas did not for a second get upset, instead his heart reached out to her for a more meaningful friendship. Roli thought in today's day and age, this kind of attitude from a man, who was being almost dumped & insulted, was unbelievable. She felt super relieved and extremely respectful for him. Roli once typed to me “The cherry on the cake is that Manas was also amazing in giving a back massage:P My literal gateway of being relieved;)” She had surely got herself hooked to being rewarded for not ‘coming’ at the right time with the wrong guy!

They now are the best of friends after they got physical with each other without being excited for each other!!

I shared this incident as a story only for some of us to look deep into ourselves, what goes around within us as individuals, as friends, as someone who gets frustrated with time and situations around and land up doing things that can completely become a game changer. For Roli, it so happened that one episode got her more giving, more mature and more understanding about life, helped her shed inhibitions and less judgmental. What about us? What is that one episode or idea that changed our lives? There is always something special that we really have been ignoring. Days pass, years go by and we keep that as a huge secret we may want to carry till our grave. Let's remind ourselves of that one story and narrate it to ourselves today. Things that left a mark on your memory, on your heart, on your consciousness, something that you made a bit uncomfortable yet changed you for good. Let loose, get easy with life and smile at what happened! Cheers!