I talk to you. Daily :)

Reason to Smile: Finally I vent out some part of the 'personal' me. A short story of a person who created magic in my life ;) A confessional love letter :)

I talk to you. Daily. Without you but with you in my senses. You are the most amazing person I came across among my circle of close friends. Funnily though, I had come across your profile through some online dating segment of a very popular social media site ! This was somewhere in 2008 I believe when I was not really enjoying my personal space. It was the time when I did not have friends around the way I have now. I was only busy being in and out of relationships. I was in the midst of contemplating whether I should make my personal space more adventurous or more calm and settled. It so happened that I shrugged my shoulders to trying something new. I thought the least it would do is occupy my depressed mind to either something horrible or make it more interesting, subject to what I wanted to take away from the chats or interactions with 'guys' who wanted to do 'speed dating' :P I still can't believe you were one of them ! ;)

Among the many so called 'chats' that I wasted my time on, you turned out to be miraculously witty, intelligent and extremely smart who ideally should not have been there at the first place ! But then, with those qualities I too was there looking for someone who could just be a catalyst to turn around my life.

Sometimes you meet some right people at the so called wrong places ;)

You were over smart to me back then. Obviously you had an amazing sense of humor that I had an ego accepting to. I just could not believe that I was being pulled by some chat window that got me hooked for hours to your irritating remarks. You were like the classy version of the Kapil Sharma of today and I just could not digest the fact that I was being swayed by you. You were one of the only people who was almost getting me thoughtful, intrigued and speechless at the same time :) I kinda developed a small crush on you, someone I had not seen at all !

With time, I emotionally got hooked with someone else. I got into a serious relationship during 2008 and 2010. It obviously did not materialize and I went into severe depression. This was the 3rd time I was heartbroken. Surprisingly, you had also become busy with your life, wasn't too much bothered like before but kept connecting on and off. I so wanted to share all this with you. But knowing you, it would just be a story or a gossip for you. Though you showed that you deeply cared, it was very difficult for me to take you on face value. I hate to admit it but I still feel you lie a lot sometimes. You fake up and cook up a lot more than required. I don't know why but it is hard to believe some of your words even now. I know you hate me for that. But I want you to know that..

Every time one keeps moving in & out of relationships, a part of you breaks.

It takes humongous courage to gather the broken pieces every now and then, stitch them, smile and be happy again. And not to forget, also prepare to be ready for the next dive. It wasn't easy for me either.

Cut to the day I realized it is high time I told you about what I genuinely felt for you. It was a couple of times we had met by then. It wasn't so surprising though because we did express a lot of liking towards each other with all the little acts we shared. But then someone had to spill the beans. I knew you wouldn't. Lesser known fact about you is the world thinks you are very extrovert, smart, witty, charming and social (given your professional expertise) but you are pretty much a coy, shy and an egoistic chap not many may like to admire. You became adorable to me on those lines. Though officially, you really never opened up to me. Ever. It was unbelievable how I gathered all the guts to propose to you.

The first ever proposal in my entire life !

I have always been blessed when it comes to love and breakups. Love because I get them and break ups because I invite them. Yes, I earlier never thought it was good to introspect. I was very clear that it was never my fault. People came, used me, dumped me, and left me behind to rattle. No one bothered. But what I did not capitulated, are the reasons. I used to get overboard with emotions and then came overreactions, nobody wants to be a part of. I wasn't bad but I surely had the ability to save all of them. Only if I had little EQ to figure out when to calm down. I banked on the IQ. Having said that, it is also all thanks to all that went 'wrong' that today I have a better sense of dealing with people and emotions. I have charted out strategies that will help me stabilize, faster and easier. I now know, how to manage my emotions, handle them, use them for good, nurture them if needed, respect them and most importantly treat them right - my way !

Today, I am still madly in love with you. We don't meet much now. We hardly interact now. But am glad we are friends. More distant friends, close once in a year, friends by virtue of convenience, but good friends.

However I talk to you. Daily. To me, my emotions, my soul, that's all that matters !!

We all have this one love story in our life. Most of us have found them in either our school days, college times, work places, etc. This one person could be our lovers, life partners, colleagues, bosses, some of us have also found them within us ! Infact, this person could also be anyone we have only imagined so far !! OR further more, it may be anything that reignites all those precious emotions that made you ride a roller coaster of all times; This episode, emotion or an instance is nothing but a reflection of YOU !

For instance think of an old movie that you saw as a child or a teenager and recollect how you were then ! With every person who came and went by, a certain emotion is connected. So when you see that person once again, all those emotions resurface. It is nothing but re-visiting old times and living the same old "you" once again. It is like a book waiting to be dusted and touched back to life; like an album of pictures waiting to be romanced to bring back smiles immensely priceless !!  

But with time, digital age, stressful work life, we ignore it royally. We have not forgotten them, but have put them on a backseat. Eventually, unintentionally though, we tend to rub them out of our life.

Let's not bury them. Let's not forget it and neglect it as just another past. Let's refer to them. Let's talk to them. Let's bring back the real 'you' that you lost in them which was full of innocent emotions, laid back attitudes, and just pure, serene child like thoughts and actions. Let's welcome them, greet them and say Hi to them once in a while. You never know, It can just touch some chords that waited to be tuned and a beautiful song might just play its way into our hearts !